Forgiving Yourself, When others Won’t

How Do You Forgive yourself

Even though You tell yourself all the right things.
“If God has forgiven you what right do you have to not forgive yourself, are you greater than God?”


“You did your best with what you knew and in the circumstances”
“You’ve asked forgiveness” without excuses…
“and they won’t accept it”, they say it doesn’t count, etc.

How do you let it go, how do you FEEL Forgiven and not let guilt plaque you? How do you get rid of guilt when they keep reminding you of the past and they won’t let it go.

When they keep putting you in emotional jail and trying to make you pay.

1) You grieve your loss of that friend or family member because it is a Real loss and it does hurt. You may grieve a long time if it is a grown child, Parent, etc.

2) You remind yourself you have tried to make peace, asked forgiveness, and you ARE forgiven by God, even if your actions were wrong or a mistake.

3) You are not the same person now that you were then. We change each day, hopefully for the better if you’re walking with the Lord and trying to be more Christ like. The Person you were 30 years ago or even yesterday is not the person you are today.

4) Let go of the past, stop looking back. Lot’s wife looked back and was stuck there forever. You need to look at who you are becoming and look forward. If you keep looking backwards, it will keep you in that grieving cycle and you can’t move forward. you will be stuck. What does God want you to do today? Most of us do not know what God wants us to do long term but we do know what he wants us to do today and maybe tomorrow.

5) Maybe it is just to wake up, get dressed and eat, when you’re in a depression. Get outside if possible; fresh air and sunlight can lift your spirits. Go for a walk or bike ride. Get around people; make connections – friends of the same sex. It is dangerous for you to make friends with an opposite sex friend at this time. You are too vulnerable and not thinking clearly. You may want to be validated and feel something good even if it is not real and fall into a toxic relationship. It may be you’re trying to fill that void/hole in your life. If you’re in a depression or just need someone to talk to whom really understands, make an apt. with a counselor who specialized in toxic people and understands Personality disorders. That can take time and maybe several try’s to find the right counselor, don’t settle for someone who just listens and makes you figure it out instead of telling you like it is. Ask around for local recommendations.

6) In the meantime check out Patrick Doyle on YouTube. Start with Emotional Abuse. Each one is about 60 min. long. If you’re like me, you will get hooked on them.

7) Subscribe to Audiobooks to learn quickly about BPD, Narcissistic personality disorder, Toxic people, and making friends with “Safe People”, the Human Magnetic Factor, Boundaries, etc. Let that be your college for a year or two. Why? By understanding those trying to control you and your need to please, be loved, accepted, etc. Is one of the reasons you’re stuck and can’t move on.

8) Allow yourself time to get to know who you are, become strong and independent. 1) So you are not a magnet for toxic people and 2) Don’t date until you feel complete without a man. If you feel like you need a man to complete you or to be happy, then your NOT ready to date.

I am learning for 2 other books and will write more latter on Emotional debt and How to stop the pain.
Pushing Back the Dark by Josh Wilson tells us someone else may be watching us and need us to show them the light. It is worth listening to. Other songs that spoke to my heart are – Fear is a Liar by Zach Williams, You say by Lauren Daigle, More than anything by Natalie Grant. You can listen on YouTube. Maybe these songs will encourage your heart as it has mine.

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