Healing yourself emotionally, is key to your peace, your health, and your whole being. If you do not work on yourself first then every decision, intentionally or unintentionally, will be influenced by the broken side of you. Not deciding, is deciding. You decided to not decide or choose. You give others your power of decision. In other words, you give your power away. How do you feel valued and how do you indirectly or directly control the situation or people? Do you really want to change or stay in your comfort zone? Most people will stay in their comfort zone. You are a rare breed if you choose to change and follow through.
If you are a co-dependent then every decision will be influenced by your need to be loved, accepted, to be the peace maker and to please. If you are a controller then every decision and reaction will be in a protective mode to guard your ego and defend who you think you are. The mind protects the ego. Since the ego must be protected, you may be hostile towards anyone you feel is a threat to your sense of self, the ego. The need to be right is extraordinarily strong. The need to be in control is also extraordinarily strong. How deeply do you want change? Are you willing to face the ugly truth? To face yourself, accept personal responsibility, and do the hard heart work?
You cannot change anyone but yourself. So Why do you still try? Think on that. The definition of insanity is “keep doing the same thing, expecting different results”. Does that definition fit your life? What are you going to do about it? How are you going to change? That’s right, it’s all about you. You can only change you but are you willing to accept “personal responsibility” and work on yourself instead of trying to change others? Until you are willing to face yourself and accept personal responsibility, life will be as it is, nothing of significance will change. Wherever you are, your problems follow you. No matter how many relationships, you have the same problems. Because the problem is you or how your allowing others to treat you.
Healing is within, so look within. Education is key to changing your mind and outlook. The real question is do you really want to change? No matter the consequences? Loss of family who are toxic, loss of friends, starting over on your own, a new job, new friends that are emotionally healthier? All those scenarios can be good, depending on your outlook. There is a grieving process for what you thought you had but was not real. I cannot go into details like a book does. But feel free to write with your questions and I will try to answer them. Do you want to sit in peace by the still waters? or continue in the insanity?
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Read books or listen, as I do, on Audible to learn faster. “Take Control of Your Life” by Dr. Jim Richards, the best book I have read on Co-Dependency. These two are not on Audible.
“Verbally Abusive Relationships, How to recognize them and How to respond” by Patricia Evans.
“Safe People”, “Necessary Endings”, “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. Cloud and Townsend have many books on Boundaries with different focuses. The basic Boundaries is good to start with, then there are Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Teens, Boundaries in Dating, etc.
“Never Go Back” by Dr. Henry cloud.
“Alone with God” by John MacArthur.
“The Divorce Phoenix” by Honoree Corder.
“The Human Magnet Syndrome” by Ross Rosenberg, explains why we are drawn to the wrong people. I have others to recommend if you are interested, let me know.