Do you know a safe person when you see one?
Do you know the signs of an unsafe person?
Do you have someone in your life who is always telling you what you should or shouldn’t do? Telling you How to be, How to think, what to say, How you should feel? Who should be your friend and who you should not hang with?
If you think about it, do you really know what you like and don’t like? Let’s try something simple. Do you prefer square or oval shaped? Are you a water person or prefer the gym? If you had to think hard about it, that is a sign that you have lost yourself and have allowed someone else to have control over you. You may feel like a victim but let’s face the fact, you GAVE your power away. You are ALLOWING them to control you and You CAN at anytime take your power back. There is something stopping you, a secondary benefit.
What is a secondary benefit? Only you can decide that. Here are some possibilities. If your mate is the main provider then it could be financial. If you’re the main care giver of children and don’t really have a skill or education, then you may be concerned about how can you support your children and yourself financially. Maybe you are so co-dependent that you emotionally think you need their approval and what you perceive as love. People pleasing is a sign of co-dependency. Controlling, manipulating people are not giving you real love. It is called Love bombing, where they act like they love you to get what they want, to get you to do what they want. Playing to your weak spots and they know all of them.
If family or friends, are putting you down, pointing out the negative, most of the time. That is not a healthy relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s your mother, husband or Grown child. You need to set HEALTHY boundaries. Boundaries that protect you emotionally and physically. Emotional turmoil can cause you to be sick in many ways. If you find your health keeps going downhill, your emotions and the emotional abuse you’ve suffered may be at the bottom of it all.
Safe people WILL Listen to you and Not tell you what to do. They may ask questions to help you think it through but they do not tell you what to do or not to do unless you have given them permission to. Safe people don’t put you down, they support you and try to help in a Positive way. Safe people will listen more, so you can talk yourself, your feelings, through and figure them out.
Safe people are there for you when you call and let you cry on their shoulder but will guide you to solutions. As a rule, even with a counselor, you should only spend about 15 min. talking about the problem, then move on to solutions.
Don’t dwell on the past, learn from it and move on. Like Lot’s wife you can turn into a pillar of salt…a heart of stone. Become an angry bitter person. Forgiveness is for YOUR sake not the offender.
Don’t look back, Your not going that way!