Calm or Fierce
2020 will be a very different Christmas as people are afraid to fly or gather in the same house.
Most Holidays I spend alone since my divorce and I do enjoy the peace, drama free zone. I have been invited to Thanksgiving to friends but most don’t think of friends for Christmas. I had two Thanksgiving dinner and one Christmas dinner here at my home with neighbors who had no family near. Since Covid I think they would be afraid to come over so I am not planning on hosting a dinner. I may get with one friend who has been having health issues, no not covid. That remains to be seen.
What are your plans? Travel or virtual visits? Virtual just is not the same. Yes you can make the same dish and eat it at the same time….yes it is nice to see their faces and chat BUT it is not the same. There is no replacement for the human touch, hug, or bing there in person. On the plus side there may be less drama. Living in a drama free zone is key for me. You will have drama if you have anyone in your life, friends or family. It is how you deal with that drama that is important.
Realize you can not control anyone but you. Remind yourself that living in peace is much more important than being right. Drama can only invade your peace if you allow it. In every situation you can walk away when you realize the other person is not really listening. They have their mind made up and it doesn’t matter what you say or don’t say. Debating, arguing, or whatever you want to call it is casting your pearls before swine. No I am not saying they are pigs. I am saying they have no value for what you have to say. You are wasting your breath, time and energy. Not to mention the emotional and mental toll it will take from you.
When you consider the number of blended families, divorces, and remarriages, it is almost impossible for everyone to get along. We are so broken and bring so much baggage into relationships. Unless we have worked on healing ourselves and finding our true idenity instead looking to people to tell us who we are and to make us feel loved. There are very few in the world who have done that.
Plan ahead for what might happen and how you can diffuse it. Plan a seating chart to avoid conflict. Ask ahead about allergies to foods, gluten free, Celiac disease, and have alternatives. Plan soothing Christmas or Harp music on the TV. Harp music has been studied and shown to calm children down. Play it softly in the background so no one really notices yet has that calming effect. Planning, giving thought to details ahead of time can advert many disasters or conflicts.
One forth of July, I had my father in law over with a new couple we wanted to get to know. Being older, lonely and just his personality, he monopolized the conversation. Everytime we would turn the conversation to the young couple, as soon as they answered he would take over. After that I invited him for lunch on the forth of July and others over for dinner. Learn from the past, know the personalities and plan to fit that day.
Imagine everyone has a sign on their back that says make me feel special.
Merry Christmas and a Happier NEW Year!