Healing Yourself

By the still waters ….

Healing yourself emotionally, is key to your peace, your health, and your whole being. If you do not work on yourself first then every decision, intentionally or unintentionally, will be influenced by the broken side of you. Not deciding, is deciding. You decided to not decide or choose. You give others your power of decision. In other words, you give your power away. How do you feel valued and how do you indirectly or directly control the situation or people? Do you really want to change or stay in your comfort zone? Most people will stay in their comfort zone. You are a rare breed if you choose to change and follow through.

If you are a co-dependent then every decision will be influenced by your need to be loved, accepted, to be the peace maker and to please. If you are a controller then every decision and reaction will be in a protective mode to guard your ego and defend who you think you are. The mind protects the ego. Since the ego must be protected, you may be hostile towards anyone you feel is a threat to your sense of self, the ego. The need to be right is extraordinarily strong. The need to be in control is also extraordinarily strong. How deeply do you want change? Are you willing to face the ugly truth? To face yourself, accept personal responsibility, and do the hard heart work?

You cannot change anyone but yourself. So Why do you still try? Think on that. The definition of insanity is “keep doing the same thing, expecting different results”. Does that definition fit your life? What are you going to do about it? How are you going to change? That’s right, it’s all about you. You can only change you but are you willing to accept “personal responsibility” and work on yourself instead of trying to change others? Until you are willing to face yourself and accept personal responsibility, life will be as it is, nothing of significance will change. Wherever you are, your problems follow you. No matter how many relationships, you have the same problems. Because the problem is you or how your allowing others to treat you.

Healing is within, so look within. Education is key to changing your mind and outlook. The real question is do you really want to change? No matter the consequences? Loss of family who are toxic, loss of friends, starting over on your own, a new job, new friends that are emotionally healthier? All those scenarios can be good, depending on your outlook. There is a grieving process for what you thought you had but was not real. I cannot go into details like a book does. But feel free to write with your questions and I will try to answer them. Do you want to sit in peace by the still waters? or continue in the insanity? 

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Read books or listen, as I do, on Audible to learn faster. “Take Control of Your Life” by Dr. Jim Richards, the best book I have read on Co-Dependency. These two are not on Audible.

“Verbally Abusive Relationships, How to recognize them and How to respond” by Patricia Evans.

“Safe People”, “Necessary Endings”, “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. Cloud and Townsend have many books on Boundaries with different focuses. The basic Boundaries is good to start with, then there are Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Teens, Boundaries in Dating, etc.

“Never Go Back” by Dr. Henry cloud.

“Alone with God” by John MacArthur.

“The Divorce Phoenix” by Honoree Corder.

“The Human Magnet Syndrome” by Ross Rosenberg, explains why we are drawn to the wrong people. I have others to recommend if you are interested, let me know.


What is harsh? Are you emotional? Angered? Hurt? Embarrassed?

Then the chances are you will be harsh, attacking, rude, even hostile, when responding or reacting.

When we react it is more often than not about us not the other person. They hit a trigger point of hurt. It’s like having a chip on your shoulder and they knowingly or unknowingly knocked the chip off.

Some are Controllers, Some maybe good friends but freaked out temporarily. We all freak out sometimes but if it is a pattern in your friends life, then it may be time to move on from that friendship. It is OK to move on. A friendship doesn’t have to last forever. We change location, Jobs, Churches, and when we do, we gain new friends and lose other friends.

Why do we think friendships have to last forever? It is great when that happens, yet very rare in todays mobile society. If you’ve done something wrong, apologize and make it right, if possible. If they don’t accept the apology or keep blaming you, yelling at you. Then it’s time to move on.

No, friendships don’t grow on trees and healthy relationships are even harder to find. Sometimes it’s better to be alone, than to be put down, run down, and blamed. That is bad for your mental health and self-esteem so why tolerate it in the name of friendship.

It is always good to meet new people and make new friends. You don’t want to be so depended upon one person that if something happens you are devastated, feeling lost. Also you don’t want to overuse one person with your problems or needing help. It is better to have others who can help out when needed or be a shoulder to cry on.

To make new friends, join clubs that interest you, then you may find people with common interest, that is always a good place to start. You don’t have to go to places you don’t want to, say a bar. there are plenty of places to go out to eat, get together, meet up groups, singles group, maybe a dance group, chorus, Handbell choir, photography, biking or hiking groups. Think outside the box. Make a list of your interest, hobbies, things you want to try or do someday. Someday is here, Go for it!