Do you know what you like and dislike? Lets start with some simple things. Do you like round or square shapes, water exerciser or a gym work out? Gardening or reading a book? Cooking or crafting?
Have you been told what you like or want? So much that you don’t know what you like or who you are? You may have been so suffocated by a controlling personality and expected to be an extension of that person that you no longer really know who you are. You were told, pressured, or slowly convinced to be what they want, like what they like, do what they want. Yet they are not interested in anything you want to do. They try to keep you from family and friends, even to the point of cutting all ties to everyone.
You will need time, maybe alone, to re-discover who you are. How many years you have been in this controlling relationship will determine how long it will it will take you to discover What you want, like and who you are. It could be months or years. That is why you should not date for 2 years after any long term breakup. You want to allow yourself time to to heal and work on things like codependency and people pleasing. Or you will end up with the same person with a different face and a different name. Don’t rebound looking for comfort and the familiar. That is the kind of behavior that got you in this mess.
You are where you want to be. Think about that for a minute. If you didn’t want to be somewhere or with someone, you would leave.Take that in and accept personal responsibility. Life is a matter of choices. You can change your life is you wish.
Yes there will be sacrifices and changes. It is normal to be uncomfortable with changes. People stay in bad relationships because they are comfortable. Better the devil you know than the one they don’t. Would you rather be miserable OR strike out and start over. Many will stay miserable even in an abusive relationship than to give up the familiar. There is always a secondary gain to stay. It may be money, children, Fear, something you are getting out of that miserable situation. Yes there will be withdraw symptoms and Stockholm syndrome.
First you have to decide enough is enough. Are you are tired of being devalued and put down? Decide. Will you listen to your mind and not your emotions, now and in the future. Decide there is NO turning back, NO going back. You will make it on your own!
Write on index cards or paper and tape it on your mirror, sayings like.
Where there a will there’s a way.
If one Man/Woman has gone before me, why can’t I?
One Day at a time…Don’t borrow problems from tomorrow.
The bible says ‘Do Not Be Afraid’ 365 times, one for everyday of the year!
The problem is we focus too much on the problem instead of the solutions. Learn to re-focus each time you find yourself thinking of the problems and the past. Re-focus on the future and solutions. How are you going to overcome?
Answer… one step at a time! Don’t get overwhelmed by the whole.
Think what is the first step, then the second step. One step at a time.
It all comes down to what do you want? Do you want it bad enough to make it happen? Do you want to Settle or be more than a survivor. Be an Overcomer!